Do my tears drench your dreams?
Do you sense my yearning,
As I do yours?

Forgive my assumption,
Although I know-
When energies collide,
The heart knows and it leaps,
Leaps to reach the receding horizon.

What more than memories?
And more memories,
Dwindling faith and courage
I possess?

Heart Over Matter.

I have lived by certain things in life that have never let me down. One of them is to follow my heart, follow 'the feeling' (Sounds very filmy, I know!) I'm a heart person by nature and I have never, in the worst of situations regretted it. Today was one of those days. I had, for the longest time thought of how sorted the 'head people' are. I have been on a mission to let my mind take over but it never really happened entirely.

If you feel that something's right, just go ahead and do it, if you feel like saying something just go ahead and say it. Instinct is sixth sense.I realised that if I want to develop it I gotta listen to it when it tells me something. I have to allow it to help me. I remember two instances when I hadn't and both came to bite me. Once you stop listening to it it stops telling. (I know I sound looney but I hope you understand!)

Today, it was a matter of a phone call. Something came over me and I just did it. My heart was beating like a hundred drums but it just felt right, my gut told me to just go ahead with it. (And trust me this was no ordinary situation, this was BIG). While on this very important phone call, there was something that stopped me from saying this one particular thing, something that told me to save it for when the time is right, now is not the time and I did. And again it just felt right. When I wanted to say it, I felt "no, not now." It was inexplicable as to why. There isn't any reasoning behind such feelings, and that's probably what dissuades us from listening to them, we're always looking for logic and reasons behind things, aren't we? 

I am in no way denying the need for reasoning, all these things depend from situation to situation. We do need to find the balance between heart and mind. When things are inexplicable or you have fuzzy reasoning and you find no way out? All you have are your feelings to listen to and feelings are never wrong. Listen to them. If you ask me, they are the only real thing we have. Instincts, feelings are way too important than we think they are. Be honest with yourself about them and allow them to simply be. It feels good.

Today, I feel you John Mayer, I feel you!

"Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You better know that in the end

It's better to say too much

Than never to say what you need to say again

Even if your hands are shaking

And your faith is broken

Even as the eyes are closing

Do it with a heart wide open"

P.S. It's funny how I have another blog titled "Mind over matter"! : P

Keepin' it simple.

Life sure gets tough at stages and I reached a place where I didn't quite know what to make of it. When life changed on me ruthlessly and I was thrown off the track trying to get back in the right direction, I realised that I just needed to take a step back, and take a good look at it. Initially I stared at it, stared at in dismay where I found no accordance, and it made me wonder and curse. As a little while passed me by I looked at it and  introspected a bit, objectively, may I add, and gained insight and then wondrous, learnings and realisations began to appear. Like I convinced myself the last time about time, I stuck to it. Still stuck even though like ordinary glue and not fevicol, but I'm trying desperately hard to hold on. Time has made a lot of those 'oh so terrible things' just seem so irrelevant.

I've had a change of philosophy with this experience. A big change. You cannot do anything about what's not in your control. There's no use thinking and worrying of 'What's going to happen when...' It's stark pointless! It's finally started making sense to me. I've soaked it up. It's cut down on a whole lot of stress and doesn't make me want to read the Pune Times horiscopes anymore. And I feel this change is here to stay. All that is in our control is to seize today and I'd even push myself to say seize now. There's just no use being afraid or worrying about the unknown, which I always used to fret about a lot. 

I'm really at crossroads and I'm not even at the wheel to choose. But a friend who's in a constant state of zen has told me to just try and leave it to uncertainty cause it's fun! There used to be a time when I was more spontaneous, when bitterness of the day was allowed only a Cinderella deadline. Those were better, simpler times and I'm working on getting them back. I hope I can get them back. 

Also Shelly made me listen to this song by Ricky Martin, yes Ricky Martin. I know what you're thinking but just listen to it will you? (Maybe you already have, cause I have no idea how popular this song is) I want to shout it out loudly! Especially on a day like today.

(

Food for Thought

While we were in Paris, one of my friends, who is obsessed with food, said something that has stuck with me. She was in the middle of a huge paper submission, no time for anything, but she was cooking herself an awesome treat. And I said to her, "You don't have time for what you're making right now! Just have some cereal and work." This was also the time when all of us were very worried about our finances, looking for baby-sitting and other odd jobs to satisfy our greed to travel. But here she was never missing a chance to eat. And she said to me, "My father always says, what do you earn for, what do you work for if it's not to eat? You work, earn to primarily fill your stomach, to eat." That made so much sense. Had never thought of it like that. I had always taken it or granted. We were/are so caught up in saving for that awesome dress, or that trip to Nice, or to buy more credit on the phone that eating wasn't such a big priority. I feel that even now, we don't spend time on eating, we entirely take it for granted.

But isn't it really something to think about? Which one of us earns to 'eat'?!

I cannot help but deviate to the pitiful condition of not just our own perspectives on eating but also those who make it available for us. The forgotten farmer. He works, and tills, sows and grows and thinks of suicide providing for us and we fight for a one and two rupee bargain with our local vendor. Can you imagine the bureaucracy that the veggies have faced until it reaches the vendor you buy from a bunch of spinach leaves for Rs10? The farmer gets close to nothing! It's irony that he and his family choose death over hunger.

Yes, it's the system and no, I don't think I have the power or the personal strength to stand up for them, but I do have it in my capability to appreciate, to remember and to pray for the ones who do all the hard work.

How often do we waste food? Like the cynics would comment, "It's not like the food we waste magically lands into the plate of a starving child in Africa" but it's about acknowledging the value of it. How often we forget our basic needs when we have them in abundance. That includes a lot of things, but I won't get into that right now!

Thanks Manka for sharing that casual statement you did in Paris! I love your spirit towards food and life in general! :)

I've meant to share this story a long time ago but for those who know me, you know I procrastinate. :/

Time

Why don't I just let things be? Why can't I have faith in time when it's always worked in the past? Impatience should be a new added sin to the list of 7. I'm always in a hurry for the wrong things, and give the best things in life unnecessary amount of thought, long enough to lose what I could get, missing out on valuable happy times. I feel stupid realising all this and still not let things be. I guess I get hurt with the past so much that I'm super cautious to carry on and move on to the similar things again promising all good things. But hey, you know what? I'm not wrong! What I was worried about has happened and I'm in  for an unknown number of months of pain and heart burns that I only wish I could stop all of it. What I have realised, to my readers its going to sound like a drastic shift of topic, (but it keeps with name of the blogger id!) is that the heart is such an underrated symbol! It's so not cliche to say heartburns or oh my God, my heart feels like its shattered, or all of those things that I always looked at as filmy. Well, I feel all of that, PHYSICALLY. I feel the pain physically in my heart, I feel like the veins and arteries are about to burst each time they're pumped with blood. It's amazing. And I'm assured it's not just gas. I had no clue all the things we usually say are actually true. But I am growing tired of it. I'm just plain and simple tired. I want it to feel light, feel like it's jumping around here and there in my chest, I want it to beat in delight. But oh well, it'll only take time. Uuughhh!I wish I could just sleep though all the time! I hate time now but I guess I will like it a few months down the line. I understand I need to give it time, but can't accept. I feel like I'm showing a strange kind of faith, a convenient one, but it still is faith. Faith for better things to come, better feelings to feel, better words to hear and giggles and laughter to replace the frowns and tears. Plus, can't be happy all the time, thats not fair. It is a matter of time. I've said time so many times, I can't stand the word anymore. It's time for emotional and mental exercise and acceptance, to try and keep the faith in it's place and pray.

I feel better after typing out a conversation with myself.

Women's day?

If we have a Women's Day, where's Men's Day?  I had messages flowing in since morning wishing me a very Happy Women's Day. With all due respect and thanks, I still want to question the gesture, this particular 'Women's Day' and the entire hoo haa that's surrounding it.

I admit to being a feminist, a liberal feminist.

To all those who think I'm being radical and probably think I'm going to say the cliche, 'Aren't we awesome every other day?' I'm not.


I just want to ask why is there an absence of 'Men's Day?' Why do women find the need to have a special day to celebrate their womanhood? Are we more of a woman today? Is it safer, better, nicer to be a woman today? Why should it be the 8th of March where the newspapers be almost entirely pink and decide to mention the things women have achieved? Is there no Men's Day because they don't need one? Is it because we live in a patriarchal society, because everyday is a man's day? Aaarghhh!


I will celebrate Women's day the day there is a Men's day.


I also want a 'We're All Human' day.


I'm a girl and I absolutely love being one every waking day.

DIWALI

I love Diwali.

This year, having missed it last year while I was away, I’m even more excited. In the evenings, when the sun’s about to set and I get out, I’m just looking around at the vendors who are selling these gorgeous, colourful, shiny, sparkly, bright and glowing lanterns, all in different shapes and sizes, all along the road, up on poles and trees, it’s just so attractive and so pretty! Along Lakshmi Road, it glitters even more, there are people who sell Rangoli, heaps of all the bright colours add such spirit to what the festivities are about.

Gosh, India is just so magnificently vibrant and bright. It’s so active, so much movement! It makes me happy. It just makes me smile to see these charming diyas, I love the cheerful lights and decors adorning all the stores and homes. What happens in homes is even better! The food! Oh! The Besan ke laddoo, karanjis, chaklis, shankarpala, chivda, the dry fruits! So crunchy and snacky! These specialties too are so varied so colorful and in different, fun shapes! Yea I’m a child, I still make my mom make everything in mini sizes, just ‘cause it’s fun!

I just know when Diwali is approaching, the air gets crisp, everything shimmers, there’s this positivity, such energy around, you can feel it. People are shopping, making plans for their holidays, children are making Shivaji’s forts. Oh! How I miss that! I will be helping out my nephew hopefully, gosh I feel old! You have to gift sweets to one another, visit each other, eat together, drink and play cards together, family prays together, everyone’s gleaming in their brand new clothes!

Diwali is something that everyone looks forward to, and something that’s celebrated unanimously across the country. I think there’s more to it, there’s such a message, of togetherness, of success, of novelty, of good health, of sharing, of brotherhood, of spreading light and welcoming each other and just being joyful and thankful- all summing into peace and love.

I am against fire crackers though, been over ten years. Although just to keep with the spirit, I light one or two fuljhadis on the day of Lakshmi Pujan but that’s just about all. I do believe in making it more ecological and I hope you will too. It’s the need of the day.

My grandparents are being dearly missed this season. I do look forward to spending it with people really close to my heart.

Wish you all a bright, colourful, happy and a safe festive season!