Time

Why don't I just let things be? Why can't I have faith in time when it's always worked in the past? Impatience should be a new added sin to the list of 7. I'm always in a hurry for the wrong things, and give the best things in life unnecessary amount of thought, long enough to lose what I could get, missing out on valuable happy times. I feel stupid realising all this and still not let things be. I guess I get hurt with the past so much that I'm super cautious to carry on and move on to the similar things again promising all good things. But hey, you know what? I'm not wrong! What I was worried about has happened and I'm in  for an unknown number of months of pain and heart burns that I only wish I could stop all of it. What I have realised, to my readers its going to sound like a drastic shift of topic, (but it keeps with name of the blogger id!) is that the heart is such an underrated symbol! It's so not cliche to say heartburns or oh my God, my heart feels like its shattered, or all of those things that I always looked at as filmy. Well, I feel all of that, PHYSICALLY. I feel the pain physically in my heart, I feel like the veins and arteries are about to burst each time they're pumped with blood. It's amazing. And I'm assured it's not just gas. I had no clue all the things we usually say are actually true. But I am growing tired of it. I'm just plain and simple tired. I want it to feel light, feel like it's jumping around here and there in my chest, I want it to beat in delight. But oh well, it'll only take time. Uuughhh!I wish I could just sleep though all the time! I hate time now but I guess I will like it a few months down the line. I understand I need to give it time, but can't accept. I feel like I'm showing a strange kind of faith, a convenient one, but it still is faith. Faith for better things to come, better feelings to feel, better words to hear and giggles and laughter to replace the frowns and tears. Plus, can't be happy all the time, thats not fair. It is a matter of time. I've said time so many times, I can't stand the word anymore. It's time for emotional and mental exercise and acceptance, to try and keep the faith in it's place and pray.

I feel better after typing out a conversation with myself.