DIWALI

I love Diwali.

This year, having missed it last year while I was away, I’m even more excited. In the evenings, when the sun’s about to set and I get out, I’m just looking around at the vendors who are selling these gorgeous, colourful, shiny, sparkly, bright and glowing lanterns, all in different shapes and sizes, all along the road, up on poles and trees, it’s just so attractive and so pretty! Along Lakshmi Road, it glitters even more, there are people who sell Rangoli, heaps of all the bright colours add such spirit to what the festivities are about.

Gosh, India is just so magnificently vibrant and bright. It’s so active, so much movement! It makes me happy. It just makes me smile to see these charming diyas, I love the cheerful lights and decors adorning all the stores and homes. What happens in homes is even better! The food! Oh! The Besan ke laddoo, karanjis, chaklis, shankarpala, chivda, the dry fruits! So crunchy and snacky! These specialties too are so varied so colorful and in different, fun shapes! Yea I’m a child, I still make my mom make everything in mini sizes, just ‘cause it’s fun!

I just know when Diwali is approaching, the air gets crisp, everything shimmers, there’s this positivity, such energy around, you can feel it. People are shopping, making plans for their holidays, children are making Shivaji’s forts. Oh! How I miss that! I will be helping out my nephew hopefully, gosh I feel old! You have to gift sweets to one another, visit each other, eat together, drink and play cards together, family prays together, everyone’s gleaming in their brand new clothes!

Diwali is something that everyone looks forward to, and something that’s celebrated unanimously across the country. I think there’s more to it, there’s such a message, of togetherness, of success, of novelty, of good health, of sharing, of brotherhood, of spreading light and welcoming each other and just being joyful and thankful- all summing into peace and love.

I am against fire crackers though, been over ten years. Although just to keep with the spirit, I light one or two fuljhadis on the day of Lakshmi Pujan but that’s just about all. I do believe in making it more ecological and I hope you will too. It’s the need of the day.

My grandparents are being dearly missed this season. I do look forward to spending it with people really close to my heart.

Wish you all a bright, colourful, happy and a safe festive season!

Mind over Matter

The last few days have been difficult, way too many emotions, way too many worries and to make it worse, I had the devil producing babies in my idle mind. So to cope with that, given that I had no other reliable source of support than myself, I did this exercise where I made up my mind, and this time I REALLY  made up my mind, I wasn't kidding, to make it do what I wanted it to do. So basically, I did away with my heart. Usually, in my case, my heart is where my brain is, and they don't get along. I have excellent examples around me of people who are so logical, who have organised thoughts and so have organised ways to deal with things, they're capable of really making up their mind and sticking to it. Inspiration! So I resolved. I woke up, I had to go work, I was thinking it's going to be difficult and I probably be pretty unproductive since everything was just so fresh, and I just said, 'I'm not fine, I have things to figure out but this will not affect my work or my appetite, because that's stupid, so shouldn't be, and complaining isn't going to help.' And I was fine the entire day, I remembered  never to give up on that thought, my mind so proudly produced! And it worked. A willpower thing I guess. I thought earlier I should just distract myself but I knew that was only just temporary, something that I did before, and it would all erupt at some inappropriate time like it always did, but I wanted to be very conscious of my worries and yet function the way I would when everything's just the way it should be. Not deny. I'm basking in the fact that I'm atleast capable of it. It's only just the beginning.

But then 'It is easier to act yourself into a new way of feeling rather than feel your way into a new way of acting,' (G.D. Morgan).

On a day like today..

..all I wanted to do was curl up in bed, shut my eyes tight, not say a word and just wipe out last evening from my memory. I haven't felt shame in long, and I didn't see it coming the way it did yesterday when I should have. When I should've used my brains and thought, when I should have picked up my plate and stuffed my face atleast once in the day. Shame and regret are terrible feelings to feel and it's a game played by your own conscience. Noone really cared I guess about what really went down, they'll even forget, but me, it's all in my head, my mind games, my assumptions and my guilt. Mistakes I make wakes up my conscience. My conscience, it's way too active, too active for my own good. But I'm glad I have it. I am. I feel because of it, it makes me think, it makes me resolve to do the right thing, it makes me a good person, it gives me a jerk and wakes me up, it makes me learn, it puts me where I should be when things are going wrong. And that's a good thing. It's a blessing. I just wished it didn't have to weigh down on me that much and all of makes me wish I didn't make mistakes at all, I am going to try not to, but I am human. I don't want to make unrealistic resolutions. But all the emotions that bring you down are inevitable I guess. That's where the art of letting go comes in, and I'm not too good at it. I want to beable to realise, resolve and then relax, I guess I am being to hard on myself. Or maybe not. I hope it all passes, that time will be forgiving, that time will make it better and I don't have to feel like this anymore.

Change

I'm not much of a fan of change, I have a problem with it, I find it difficult to face, well not always, of course, I’m happy when change is positive or it is in my favour, unfair I know but recently, this problem of mine made me think of what it actually is, can be, could be, would be, and was. Several things crossed my mind.

Change is-

Inevitable
Bad
hurts
Perspective
Destiny
Chance
Fate
In a piggy bank
Plastic surgery
Natural
Not your fault
Just happens
Takes getting used to
Sucks
Good
Sly
In your face
Ignorant
Not biased
Needs a second
Needs a hundred years
Powerful
A mystery
Manipulates
In the weather
A virtue
To learn
Anticipated
Avoided
Dependent
Independent
The future
Age
Scary
Revolution
Transition
Inspiring
Motivating
An idea
Constant
Variable
Evolution
A noun
Annoying
Necessary
Healthy
Entertaining
Elaborate
A substitute
Exchange
New
A plan
Diversion
A holiday
A need
Erratic
Can save an entire planet

Please feel free to add some more.

I don't know if it's just me or do other people find themselves in a fix when someone answers their phone calls without the more commonly anticipated 'Hello!'

For example, I called someone today for the first time on her mobile and she answered the phone with her name, no greetings. I was more prepared for 'Hello! Is this Mrs. Preeti?' So when she answers the phone saying 'Preeti', I'm totally lost for words, and I get uncomfortable to directly say, 'Hello Preeti, this is Pranjali here, remember me?' You have to directly take the plunge without much of a warm up.  All my words come out jumbled, two sentences get mixed up, the one that I'm prepared for becomes a misfitting part of the new sentence that I'm thinking of in my head along with being uncomfortable! A mess!

Not many people do this and maybe I'm just not used to it, it's a matter of habit or even a social code to greet someone with a hello first isn't it? It's so easy to falter and stammer silly when you face something you don't expect! It always happens with me when I call an office, a call centre or a clinic. Receptionists usually start with 'Dr Gandhi's clinic!' On another occasion I called someone who was a very 'Mi Marathi' sort of person who answered the phone saying 'Namaskar' and I said 'Hello!' I sound like quite an idiot on such occasions. I should try using my name for a hello sometime to find out if I'm the only one with a problem!

Needle-women

Any festival in India is by definition a promise of colour, lights, energy and a mess of a lot of people. So when a French boy comes to my city during the Ganesh Festival, to show him around the festivities is protocol and a cause for people to say, 'You're mad, you're going to the see Dagdusheth on a Sunday, moreover in the evening!' But I do find my way around and such things don't bother me or my friend Sasha much. In fact we enjoy it. So we set off, went to places we hadn't been to in our own city. It involved a lot of walking, going in the wrong lanes, loud music, rangolis, different decors, each came with a different story to up Ganesha's or Shivaji’s glory and people on the roads like a river of bobbing heads, dispersing into little lanes and us being caught in it, trying very hard to stick together and stick to the right path. After we finally were done seeing the galore we were on our way back, little did I know all the seeing wasn't over yet.

I believe we Indians can make a profession or a living out of anything, everything and anywhere, so to see vendors selling their stuff at every corner is no surprise and one can expect the most bizarre things in motion. But what I saw was plain, simple shocking. Almost like I had all this while been kept away, or had only seen such things at a distance, on television or read about it in articles, but there it was, in my face.

 What was it?

It was a machine, that came out of a little, old tin box, a bundle of rusty metal pieces tied up in loose wires ending in a fat, broken NIPPO battery, which weakly powered a needle. Yes, it was tattooing machine.

 It was a flourishing business set up by these women, a whole line of them sitting along the road in one of the most crowded areas in the city offering a wide range of designs. There were various crosses, OMs, hearts with arrows, with initials, the typical. Initially we thought they were just making those henna tattoos but we heard a peculiar buzzing sound that drove us closer to them.

Let me describe to you how it was done. This one man came to get his name tattooed on his arm, the lady first applied Parachute Coconut Oil on his skin, dipped her buzzing needle in a small, green, plastic bottle of black liquid and pierced the needle into his skin in unskilled fashion to scribble his name, and also, the battery kept going on and off. The last step, she smeared turmeric on the tattoo, turmeric which is supposed to be yellow but was actually brown.

People kept coming to get it done, not one of them was unoccupied. I went to one of the ladies and asked her how much for a 1 inch cross, her answer was, Rs 40, a bigger one with a dragon and flames and the works? Rs120. And clearly these rates were exaggerated considering I was with a European by my side. Horrifying

An unhygienic HIV/ AIDS spreading, money- making, unaware, uneducated racket. I had never seen anything like this before, IT was the first time I came so close to it. I cannot believe I saw those 10 people in front of my eyes, putting their lives, their family’s life at such a cheap stake. But then again what can be done? Educate them? Then what? In a poverty laden country like ours convince them to give up their income, it’ll work? Talk to the people who get it done? You think they’ll believe? You think they’ll listen if you or I went to talk to them? How many of them can we educate and eradicate? Most of us don’t even know such practices exist around our own neighborhoods. You think these people who consider themselves to be enduring and macho will have the strength to accept truths like they have a good 100% chance of being infected or already are by a lady on the road behind a temple during a festival, while giving an insignificant test of love? From the most serious questions to the trivial ones, how does one respond to situations like these?

It angered me but then what? I’m posting it on my blog, but to what conclusion or expectation from myself or you readers, I don’t know.

Finally.

Materialising my plan, after over 8 months of only just meddling with the idea of starting a blog, has FINALLY  happened. Initiating it began with finding a suitable name which took close to a 'forever,' has left me pretty satisfied, FINALLY. Ingenuous Chatter- sums up what this blog will be, ingenuous for it'll be a sincere expression, chatter- well cause I talk that much and have a lot to say almost most of the time. No specific subject matter as such. A successful day I'd say, didn't procrastinate and now have a blog. FINALLY!