Keepin' it simple.

Life sure gets tough at stages and I reached a place where I didn't quite know what to make of it. When life changed on me ruthlessly and I was thrown off the track trying to get back in the right direction, I realised that I just needed to take a step back, and take a good look at it. Initially I stared at it, stared at in dismay where I found no accordance, and it made me wonder and curse. As a little while passed me by I looked at it and  introspected a bit, objectively, may I add, and gained insight and then wondrous, learnings and realisations began to appear. Like I convinced myself the last time about time, I stuck to it. Still stuck even though like ordinary glue and not fevicol, but I'm trying desperately hard to hold on. Time has made a lot of those 'oh so terrible things' just seem so irrelevant.

I've had a change of philosophy with this experience. A big change. You cannot do anything about what's not in your control. There's no use thinking and worrying of 'What's going to happen when...' It's stark pointless! It's finally started making sense to me. I've soaked it up. It's cut down on a whole lot of stress and doesn't make me want to read the Pune Times horiscopes anymore. And I feel this change is here to stay. All that is in our control is to seize today and I'd even push myself to say seize now. There's just no use being afraid or worrying about the unknown, which I always used to fret about a lot. 

I'm really at crossroads and I'm not even at the wheel to choose. But a friend who's in a constant state of zen has told me to just try and leave it to uncertainty cause it's fun! There used to be a time when I was more spontaneous, when bitterness of the day was allowed only a Cinderella deadline. Those were better, simpler times and I'm working on getting them back. I hope I can get them back. 

Also Shelly made me listen to this song by Ricky Martin, yes Ricky Martin. I know what you're thinking but just listen to it will you? (Maybe you already have, cause I have no idea how popular this song is) I want to shout it out loudly! Especially on a day like today.

(

Food for Thought

While we were in Paris, one of my friends, who is obsessed with food, said something that has stuck with me. She was in the middle of a huge paper submission, no time for anything, but she was cooking herself an awesome treat. And I said to her, "You don't have time for what you're making right now! Just have some cereal and work." This was also the time when all of us were very worried about our finances, looking for baby-sitting and other odd jobs to satisfy our greed to travel. But here she was never missing a chance to eat. And she said to me, "My father always says, what do you earn for, what do you work for if it's not to eat? You work, earn to primarily fill your stomach, to eat." That made so much sense. Had never thought of it like that. I had always taken it or granted. We were/are so caught up in saving for that awesome dress, or that trip to Nice, or to buy more credit on the phone that eating wasn't such a big priority. I feel that even now, we don't spend time on eating, we entirely take it for granted.

But isn't it really something to think about? Which one of us earns to 'eat'?!

I cannot help but deviate to the pitiful condition of not just our own perspectives on eating but also those who make it available for us. The forgotten farmer. He works, and tills, sows and grows and thinks of suicide providing for us and we fight for a one and two rupee bargain with our local vendor. Can you imagine the bureaucracy that the veggies have faced until it reaches the vendor you buy from a bunch of spinach leaves for Rs10? The farmer gets close to nothing! It's irony that he and his family choose death over hunger.

Yes, it's the system and no, I don't think I have the power or the personal strength to stand up for them, but I do have it in my capability to appreciate, to remember and to pray for the ones who do all the hard work.

How often do we waste food? Like the cynics would comment, "It's not like the food we waste magically lands into the plate of a starving child in Africa" but it's about acknowledging the value of it. How often we forget our basic needs when we have them in abundance. That includes a lot of things, but I won't get into that right now!

Thanks Manka for sharing that casual statement you did in Paris! I love your spirit towards food and life in general! :)

I've meant to share this story a long time ago but for those who know me, you know I procrastinate. :/

Time

Why don't I just let things be? Why can't I have faith in time when it's always worked in the past? Impatience should be a new added sin to the list of 7. I'm always in a hurry for the wrong things, and give the best things in life unnecessary amount of thought, long enough to lose what I could get, missing out on valuable happy times. I feel stupid realising all this and still not let things be. I guess I get hurt with the past so much that I'm super cautious to carry on and move on to the similar things again promising all good things. But hey, you know what? I'm not wrong! What I was worried about has happened and I'm in  for an unknown number of months of pain and heart burns that I only wish I could stop all of it. What I have realised, to my readers its going to sound like a drastic shift of topic, (but it keeps with name of the blogger id!) is that the heart is such an underrated symbol! It's so not cliche to say heartburns or oh my God, my heart feels like its shattered, or all of those things that I always looked at as filmy. Well, I feel all of that, PHYSICALLY. I feel the pain physically in my heart, I feel like the veins and arteries are about to burst each time they're pumped with blood. It's amazing. And I'm assured it's not just gas. I had no clue all the things we usually say are actually true. But I am growing tired of it. I'm just plain and simple tired. I want it to feel light, feel like it's jumping around here and there in my chest, I want it to beat in delight. But oh well, it'll only take time. Uuughhh!I wish I could just sleep though all the time! I hate time now but I guess I will like it a few months down the line. I understand I need to give it time, but can't accept. I feel like I'm showing a strange kind of faith, a convenient one, but it still is faith. Faith for better things to come, better feelings to feel, better words to hear and giggles and laughter to replace the frowns and tears. Plus, can't be happy all the time, thats not fair. It is a matter of time. I've said time so many times, I can't stand the word anymore. It's time for emotional and mental exercise and acceptance, to try and keep the faith in it's place and pray.

I feel better after typing out a conversation with myself.