The last few days have been difficult, way too many emotions, way too many worries and to make it worse, I had the devil producing babies in my idle mind. So to cope with that, given that I had no other reliable source of support than myself, I did this exercise where I made up my mind, and this time I REALLY made up my mind, I wasn't kidding, to make it do what I wanted it to do. So basically, I did away with my heart. Usually, in my case, my heart is where my brain is, and they don't get along. I have excellent examples around me of people who are so logical, who have organised thoughts and so have organised ways to deal with things, they're capable of really making up their mind and sticking to it. Inspiration! So I resolved. I woke up, I had to go work, I was thinking it's going to be difficult and I probably be pretty unproductive since everything was just so fresh, and I just said, 'I'm not fine, I have things to figure out but this will not affect my work or my appetite, because that's stupid, so shouldn't be, and complaining isn't going to help.' And I was fine the entire day, I remembered never to give up on that thought, my mind so proudly produced! And it worked. A willpower thing I guess. I thought earlier I should just distract myself but I knew that was only just temporary, something that I did before, and it would all erupt at some inappropriate time like it always did, but I wanted to be very conscious of my worries and yet function the way I would when everything's just the way it should be. Not deny. I'm basking in the fact that I'm atleast capable of it. It's only just the beginning.
But then 'It is easier to act yourself into a new way of feeling rather than feel your way into a new way of acting,' (G.D. Morgan).
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