On a day like today..

..all I wanted to do was curl up in bed, shut my eyes tight, not say a word and just wipe out last evening from my memory. I haven't felt shame in long, and I didn't see it coming the way it did yesterday when I should have. When I should've used my brains and thought, when I should have picked up my plate and stuffed my face atleast once in the day. Shame and regret are terrible feelings to feel and it's a game played by your own conscience. Noone really cared I guess about what really went down, they'll even forget, but me, it's all in my head, my mind games, my assumptions and my guilt. Mistakes I make wakes up my conscience. My conscience, it's way too active, too active for my own good. But I'm glad I have it. I am. I feel because of it, it makes me think, it makes me resolve to do the right thing, it makes me a good person, it gives me a jerk and wakes me up, it makes me learn, it puts me where I should be when things are going wrong. And that's a good thing. It's a blessing. I just wished it didn't have to weigh down on me that much and all of makes me wish I didn't make mistakes at all, I am going to try not to, but I am human. I don't want to make unrealistic resolutions. But all the emotions that bring you down are inevitable I guess. That's where the art of letting go comes in, and I'm not too good at it. I want to beable to realise, resolve and then relax, I guess I am being to hard on myself. Or maybe not. I hope it all passes, that time will be forgiving, that time will make it better and I don't have to feel like this anymore.